Okay. My previous blog is officially deaad!
I was pretty fed up with the blogger settings that i just deleted my old blog. i couldn't be bothered.
Everything in my life is such a mess. There is a problem, if anyone even realised without me to tell them. I guess no one did. Who actually bothers about me? I doubt anyone care.
Everything so chaotic. No peace at all.
Well well, firstly, been feeling rather emo lately.. i feel no one care, i feel useless and whatever cause e list might just add on and on. Haven't be able to play all e best in court too and everything that's happening are just getting me fustrated..
I'm SUPER worried for my streaming this year and yes, i regret slacking for like half a year.. so many things learnt this year on how i can keep my studies on track. i'm rushing for time now through all my mugging and stuff. SIAN. i'm getting so worned out lah. Can anyone tell me how to study after 12 hours in school and which include a 4 hour long training and without a lunch break? just kill me better still right? By the time i go home, i'd be too tired (physically and mentally) to study! btw, this is "scientifically proven" by my fellow vballers too! :) hahaha.
secondly, trainings are only going to be suspended on 15th september which means one week before first paper. yes, we argued with coach and mr chan for a longer break. Not only did we fail, we got badly scolded! thanks man. i guess we have to think about coach too i agree but why don't people understand that we worry for our studies as well??
oh anyway, i've been asking myself deeply and i arrived at a conclusion that the volleyball position don't matter that much to me at all.. i trust that i just put in my best effort and see where God place me. In fact, i asked myself hmm.. if i don't make it into the final decided school team, i can spend more time with friends, studies and also GOD, most importantly. Having to commit to a school team is really tough i must say because you have to learn to manage your time really well. I admit i did learn alot from coach and from my hectic schdules, how to manage work and etc. But i've also gotta admit i haven't been enjoying such a kind of school life. In other words, i can say: I'm stressed.
i've been considering whether to give up fighting for e position because i think that im really tired. worn and torn. I'm still in e midst of considering and it is a tough decision i must say. I don't know how mean i would be to let coach down and disappoint him for putting so much effort in me all this while.
So many problems, one me. Haha:) I realised i've changed alot.. not a good thing! i've become so lousy luh. i hide my problems as much as i can especially on court.. i hide my problems from some of my closest friends as well. Worse still, i try to hide my problems from God and refuse to let Him step in. I choose to let go of friends I used to love and i STILL love because im afraid to show them i care. how much lousier can i get?? my self-confidence is failing me. i would just go "JOY YOU SUCK" at every small thing i go wrong.. what's wrong with me? i really don't know. How i wish God can send an angel to me now to guide my way. i feel so lost..
LAST BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, i left God aside for all my problems. I also don't even bother to make things turn better... I'm getting tired of going church ( a very bad sign) and i think i really need a time to cool down and really think.
think.. ..