On FRIDAY"S TRAINING, coach made me play subset position. i don't know what that means and i so ain't used to it. anyway, gotta be happy still so yeah i'll smile! hmm, just today, i realised that i do crazy things or go extra high whenever i have things bothering me just to hide my "not-so-happy" mood. well well well. who am i doing all that for?
i'm down. i need to eat! to get rid of all my frustrations.
you just don't know how i'm coping. you don't know what's going on in my idiotic life. now i realised that life is so short, i should live life to the fullest. but i just can't, right now at this moment, everything in my life is spinning. you know, it's kinda giving me a big headache. everyday, i lie on the bed crying my heart out, hoping to find solace and comfort. i relied on my puny little strength. i thought that was enough. where was GOD? where were you? where were some who self-professed they care for me but they don't actually show it?! spare me the crap. action speaks louder than words. i'm not trying to be harsh here, whoever i am referring to. i've been suffering a hell of a time and you probably don't even care. of course, i don't like to infer from your actions but maybe you don't even know what you're doing or how you are influencing my life. am i such a junk that no one wants? that you find easy to discard and be left without. that's how i'm feeling now. think i that i'm thinking too much? think again. i no longer dare to call myself a christian. where was GOD? he vanished from my life, i shut him out. you're affecting me! and you're doing nothing to understand the situation or even me, not to mention help. i wanna cry, but i know i should stop. if not i'd just be a weakling in your eyes. do you think i never meant a word when i thrashed everything out to you? DID YOU LISTEN? DID YOU UNDERSTAND? NO?! or maybe i just don't know. i no longer understand you.. i don't even understand myself.