FIRSTLY TO THE PERSON THAT MESSAGED ME AT 10:18:03 THIS MORNING, HAHA YOU'VE BEEN REALLY REALLY GREAT! OKAY? :d NO NEED APOLOGIES LAH! LOVE! <3
okay, today was such a tiring day! well, at least it wasn't boring :)
had sports carnival at school today. okay the few schools that came for volleyball were de la selle (did i spell correctly?), WOODLANDS and zhonghua? actually i thought it was woodlands ring but cenyun corrected me (: i tell you it was so tiring can!! sec 1s must match with the schools, sec 2s are match organisers and we sec 3s had to 'train' the schools? like man, it was so tiring. we were like constantly playing with the schools! ahhh. OH! i was referee( you know, the one with the whistle i mean) for one game and i think i made such a lousy referee lah! i'm so ashamed of myself :( okay and C GIRLS!! JIAYOU! train hard girls. (:
after sports carnival was training. almost died in training. Okay, maybe not so bad. my mind was just shut off, it wasn't functioning and i was slow in my reactions. how is that? obviously i was tired mentally, i think everyone was after the carnival, much less training.. :S but we sustained through training, thank God! :D
i went to retreat at 6:30pm! everybody was having dinner. eh shoots! i forgot to pay for my dinner. man, i don't want to be a freeloader, shall pay tomorrow then! :) had workshop and prayer, they were great. and so was the worship. i must do my work tonight and tomorrow morning so that i can drop by retreat tomorrow! YAY! :D go joy! (: haha.
to this so very important person of mine. and i mean very very very very very very very very important person (so it can't just be anybody, that's the point) i really love you. ALOT. i know you don't want me to be affected by the past or whatever, but i seriously can't let them go, they hinder me. you should know, i'm sensitive, sometimes over-sensitive. you may not know how much you mean to me, do you actually? i'm really curious to know. i told you before, i cannot lose you. the reason why i mind so much is because you matter so much. can't you just reassure me? is my way of doing things just wrong? i really need time to think about it, what is it i want from this relationship, from you too. you almost have no time for me. you can tell me i'm a treasure perhaps that you keep aside to cherish, but what's the use even so? you don't even bother how i feel before you reprimand me? do you know how i feel or not? do you see those times i lie on my bed every night crying hoping you'd place more care on me, hoping that you'll make me feel more noticed? do you see those times i started shouting at the top of my voice to let off those frustraions i had and the amount of neglection i felt? do you see those moments i pinched myself to relieve the pain i felt inside? i'm self destructing, i'm serious, so will you start caring? i beg you. sometimes i really feel you're threatening me when you already know i get teary and emotional whenever you tell me not to regret my actions.. i admit, i do regret many things i did in the past, those actions of a bitch, but i feel that i have changed alot, opened up alot and it was all because of you. i didn't entirely change for the better but you can see the power of your influence on me. but you never made me feel that you cared. i really miss those days we had last year June? i spent almost my entire june holidays with you remember? i always fail to comprehend your way of thinking and your so called logic, i don't understand you anymore. you are the one, that left me there to fend for myself, leaving me lonely and empty. i need you.. but i'm also sorry if i have been a bother...